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Writer's Block: Friend indeed

Are there any must-have traits, such as intelligence, humor, and integrity, that you look for in potential friends? Have you ever made exceptions? How did it work out?

A friend isn't some piece of meat to be ordered exactly how we want them to be. Some are less humorous than others, some happen to suck at having morals. I don't really have specific critera for a "potential" friend as long as they have basic common sense and we've got something in common. To me friendship isn't really about LOOKING for those traits, it's about accepting that person for who they are, traits most definitely included.

Message 54

I caved. Not with Phillip (although he has a part in said caving) but with Ryan. Honestly, what's the point of moping over someone for months on end but thinking you're doing a good deed, and then letting that all go to hell in a weak moment? I missed him, ALOT, but what if I just make him unhappy again? What if he's just being nice (AGAIN) because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings? He's the type of person who'd do that...what have I done? I won't leave him like last time, these silent goodbyes are kinda killing me, but I'm just...terrified. I know, I know, much bigger problems in the world, but this is my world. It's not much, but it's what I've got to deal with. Closure is a persons friend, always remember that. Even you.

Writer's Block: Thanks for the Input

What is the worst piece of advice you've ever received?
"Don't worry about it."
Who the hell thinks that by saying "Don't worry." then things will be magically solved? Of course I'm going to worry! Probably more than I would have if no one had attempted to be helpful in the first place, actually. Let me worry while figure out some new advice that actually works, please and thank you.

Uncontrolable urge to bounce excitedly.

Writers block sucks, doesn't it? Well EAT IT, WRITERS BLOCK! I am officially UNBLOCKED! Starting the rewriting process, which will slowly kill me, but in that good way. I need some help on the overall idea process because I tend to bounce all over the places and never stay in the right direction (which explains why the first version of 'Fate' sucked), and Angelica isn't exactly the most critical person I know. At all. I need Morgan. Can't wait to show her that she isn't the only one with skills. Hopefully this version won't be as much as a waste of 20+ pages and 3 months than the original. SO MUCH POTENTIAL! 
I might add bits and pieces on here or on my Myspace. If I feel especially needy of approval.


So I've been analyzing myself lately. To the extreme. Why? Because for some reason, after spending about a day or two with friends or other people in general, I shut myself off completely. I don't answer phone calls unless I know they're important. I don't answer text messages. I don't leave the house. I don't know why, really, and sometimes I just don't care. I could blame it on the heat, but I know that would be a lie, because warmth doesn't make you so anti social. I suppose you could say that I have a problem, but what's so wrong with not wanting to be around people? People that care about you? Yeah, that does sound weird, but I just can't bring myself to be there all the time to entertain and amuse. Is it so wrong to just want to be ALONE?
Haven't found the answer yet.

Seriously considering...

Moving in with dad. Last year, despite my ever growing detachment from mommy dearest, living with dad was just some distant idea that I wanted but couldn't comprehend. Now that we're no longer living in the 'ghetto' (kinda sorta) and our financial situation has gotten better, I think that moving in with dad for majority custody would be good. I'm trying to think without teen angst getting in the way, and I think I'm doing a good job of keeping a cool head. Dad's house is my escape from all mom's bullshit, but I genuinely love being there. He seems to appreciate the little he sees of my sister and me, and I'm grateful. So maybe sometime this summer I'll approach mom about it when we haven't argued or something stupid like that. I hate being in this house. Isn't it sad that the reasons I've stayed so far are for school, Angelica and Sarah, and my cat? They all mean more to me than the woman who gave birth to me. I'd say I'm a terrible person, and I wouldn't disagree.

I suppose you could say that...

I'm kind of lonely. Bleh, I said it...I hate that word, lonely. What does it mean? Really, it's just a word for need, and I don't want to need anybody to make my day. I'm a strong girl, I can make my life worthwhile by myself. But...wouldn't it be nice if I didn't have to? Wouldn't it be nice if I could walk down the street, buy some lemonade from those kids who always harass me, and just whistle the whole time? Because a BOY. Because a BOY makes me smile even when I sleep. Because I want to feel worth it, damnit. Secret smiles, holding hands, watching the stars in the back of a pickup truck while the radio plays "Baby, I love you" by The Ramones. I want someone who can make me feel. Okay, how I worded that sounded terrible but I hope someone gets it anyway. I thought I should just throw this out there. Going to sleep now. Hopefully.

Writer's Block: Grimm Question

What was your favorite fairy tale as a child?
For sure, it was The Twelve Dancing Princesses. I have no idea how I even discovered it in book form, but when I was little I had a tape of three pimped out fairy tales that were pretty much changed to incorporate 'horror'. One of them had to do with dancing princesses who snuck out of their room every night to dance into the wee hours of the morning, and (after reading Grimm's book) I loved how beautiful they described the whole scenario. Just losing yourself in something so completely, that's cool.

Die. In. A. HOLE.

So today basically sucked, just throwing that out there for you citizens of Live Journal right now. And so instead of sleeping or starting a count down of my birthday (which is in about 15 minutes, just to keep you updated) I will vent about how love sucks and how much I HATE a certain boy named Skyler. Well, to be fair, this isn't all his fault. Sarah is an idiot too, but I'm pretty sure no one is having to force feed that bastard so he doesn't pass out. Again. I'm sure he isn't losing sleep over all this little drama he is helping to create, and I'm sure that no one is telling him what a complete asshole he is. Joy, I'm the first (ten minutes).
My friend (did I mention she's an idiot?) is having alot of issues on the home front. Dear Skyler, this amazing, funny, all around GREAT guy is dating my very young and foolish friend who happens to not be the age of 18 and who is also far less experienced than him. I'm a cynical, dramitical, pessimistic bitch at times so I'm just going to do what I do best. The truth. I think his master plan is to screw her and then leave her because, yes, this has happened before. Unfortunately none of those girls were my friends and they were all much younger than his current victim. So I could be wrong. But I might not be. SO I hate him. She can learn her own damn mistakes but seeing her like this, sleepless and food deprived and withdrawn from everyone who WON'T leave...it's sick and I hate watching it. I hate having to be sensitive to her hard life and problems and I hate having to help her see him when she knows damn well she isn't supposed to (three minutes).
Today my best friend wouldn't talk to me, or tell anyone what was wrong. She never tells anyone but I'm worried and that just pisses me off. She's digging herself into a hole and he's letting her. I"M letting her (two minutes).
This is her fault just as much as it is his, but as I said before, I hate him more. I hate him. So Skyler, dear, keep thinking you're the shit and that you have won everyone over. You haven't.
Happy Birthday.

Writer's Block: Close Call

Accidents happen all the time, and often we walk away miraculously uninjured. What has been your closest call with avoiding serious harm in an accident?
I don't have 'close call' moments, I have 'Oh god why did this happen to me!?' moments. For example, I've impaled myself with a dragon I bought from Mexico while going up the stairs. I've FALLEN down the stairs while carrying Rockband crap to bring to someones house, twisting my ankle in the process of sliding the rest of the flight down. I've slipped in my garage, scrapping my toe along the edge of the concrete. I guess it could all have been worse, I'm somehow still alive, right?